Everyone at some point in our life, in some way or another, has had expectations about something. We have wanted to work somewhere, we have dreamed of studying something specific, we have longed to belong to a group, a society, we have admired someone and we have longed to be part of their group of close people, we have listened to an event of which we want to be part , we have wanted to be someone’s favorite or recognized in some area, we have fallen in love with someone who has not reciprocated us, we have been very excited about a very significant idea or dream and by being able to share it with someone we have found a “no” for reply.
In short, all these things respond to the group of basic needs with which we are all born. In the same way that we bring a physical tank, which can only be satisfied with food, we bring an emotional tank that needs to be satisfied in the same way. And one of those needs is the “affiliation need”.
Our expectations are not always satisfied, there must have been many moments where we have ended up frustrated and marked by rejection of any of these ideas. That is why there are several things about rejection that I would like to share with you today. I want to leave as a basis that the themes of an emotional nature that I have been sharing, start from the feeling in my spirit, from the longing that God has to heal and free his children, who have walked for a long time hurt, confused, hidden, bound feelings and thoughts that have limited and obscured them for the development of a healthy and full life.
Perhaps you who read me today can identify in you a feeling, a pain, a brand that you have been living with, and that until today you had not paid much attention to it, because you got used to living with it as something natural (because we used to move wounded and limited by life). And when you manage to identify something that has not been working well in you, and you manage to touch it, then you can work on it and bring it to healing. In this same way, help others heal too.
To the extent that rejection hits us at some point, the common thing is that we react to it, but the right thing is that we act before it, because the true root of the problem is not outside, but inside me. Reacting is like trying to bring down who I feel is higher than me, to my level (where I feel from what I see as my disadvantage), placing or assigning responsibility for me not being able to get to where he or she is. So, I let the ball play with me instead of me playing with the ball. Acting would be going to the root of my symptom to work from within.
Let me try to illustrate something that might help you as it did to me. The feeling of rejection does not arise overnight or at a particular event. The root of rejection is in our childhood stage, it can even begin in our development within the womb. The wound of rejection is silent, but the stabbing wound. We do not go through life carrying it as a clear and tangible thought, it is latent. Suddenly, in the least expected event we feel the blow of rejection, no matter what the circumstance is, it could be one of the life examples that I mentioned at the beginning of the writing or any other.
Now, the event can be anyone, one of great value and weight, or perhaps one that seems like minor nonsense, but it was a rejection. Having the mark of rejection within me, it works like a hook. The rejection that came from outside connected with that hook that was inside me. But since I am not aware of that wound within me, I point outward and cannot see inward.
What I am explaining does not detract from the event. I’m just trying to direct you towards the correct way to work it: by acting instead of reacting. In order to handle rejection, it is important to be clear that: “We are going to be rejected at some point in our lives” – people are different and generally we choose with whom we have a certain affinity. “Being rejected does not paralyze or end your life” – what can paralyze you is stopping your life in fear of being rejected. “Rejection prepares you for better things in life” – at the moment you cannot see or think about it, the feeling is strong, but this is precisely what, if you know how to face it in the right way, what strengthens and matures your character.
The person who has felt the mark of rejection very strongly usually closes to receive from others, no one wants to be hurt, so create a protective barrier, it is possible that trying to achieve acceptance, the person becomes complacent, trying to be the same others expect it to be, but not being who it genuinely is, others let out rebellion, become hostile, charging others what someone made them feel at some time and acting in their own way, some others live in a spirit of eternal self-pity always looking like the poor victims of circumstance.
None of these reactions will allow you to heal. To heal you must start with something very important and basic, you must recognize that you have a wound. I learned to call this: touch the wound. It’s real, you didn’t make it up, it exists. Now I must understand that I don’t want it inside of me, much less managing my life. So, I must begin to speak forgiveness. Forgiveness to all those, at any stage of your life who have rejected you as parents (let’s not try to justify people for their relationship with us, what hurt us, hurt us regardless of who caused it), brothers, people of authority in your life (such as teachers, less close relatives), childhood friends, and so on. Seek to pronounce forgiveness for what they did to you, some will be easier than others, but in the end, you will achieve it.
This is just a start, but it is the path to total freedom. Don’t deprive yourself of the enjoyment of your life by bearing a wound. I want to give you this portion so that you can use it as a balm on your soul, remember that Jesus already took all our wounds, He took the bitter cup that we should have taken and gave us his cup to drink, the one that restores us, the one that gives life and fills us with its fullness.
I would have fainted if I did not believe that I will see the goodness of Jehovah in the land of the living. Wait for Jehovah; be strong, and let your heart be encouraged; Yes, wait for Jehovah – Psalm 27: 13-14. May grace be with you today and every day.